a mind of steel: How i got here

First, all honor and glory goes to God for developing and keeping my mind. So many people go through life-altering things and aren't able to bounce back. I'm thankful I grew to be able to fight for my peace of mind. I think of the above photo when I think of resilience because I took this photo when preparing for my podcast, the Warrior Rulebook Podcast. I hope to record more episodes, but even that was a way of helping me reflect on my feelings to become resilient.

A lot of my mental resilience comes from not being at ease in Zion about my own salvation. I have to work as hard as I can to make sure I'm right with God by the end of my life. I've heard so many discouraging things from people who "want the best for me." And what they said didn't help me anymore than mopping a carpet. I'm used to seeing people older than me not take me seriously because I'm younger than them. I've been left on "read" more times than I can count, even when I was trying to help people.

Those same people speak to me in person like nothing happened, and I wonder why they don't keep the same energy in person. But, I don't be disrespectful. I still greet them warmly. People shifting on you for no apparent reason. I still show up for my audience even when I haven't made a sale in my business that day. Broken promises. Being laughed at repeatedly. Dealing with the passing of my mom. Being rejected for jobs I was more than qualified for, only to get an email from the company saying that I don't have enough experience. As if they could tell from an automated screening software for resumes the value of service I provide. Not getting paid the value of my services. So many things that it feels like, "When will I come up for air?"

The bottom line is, I can't control how people respond to the information I present or how they treat me. Sometimes, I shock myself because I let go of what someone did to me. I end up forgiving them. I remember what they did, but somehow it doesn't bother me. I'm able to look at them the same. God helps me to let it go and give them a fresh start.

Sometimes, it's hard to accept everything or forgive with silence and a grin. Of course, I speak up for myself if there is something to communicate, but if I don't think it's worth my precious time, I don't waste my energy. I move on. It's not to say I've never had times where I defended my position on something, or I cried myself to sleep, or that I never reflect on my actions that caused whatever turmoil I've experienced in my life, but I weigh what's most important. I know I will have to forgive eventually.

I'm a busy woman and I focus on the end goal. If I listened to every piece of advice from people, I would be doing what THEY want me to do, feel unfulfilled, and I would just be making horrible decisions. So I think about what makes the most sense for my path, try a few things suggested just to try them, and go from there. I don't know everything, so I still keep an open mind.

Despite life's challenges, I feed my mind healthy things. I talk to God, having faith. I go to church where I learn how God shifts your mindset when you learn more about him and what he wants for his saints. I listen to enriching podcasts and trainings to refine my skills and handle my low moments. I spend time with people who care deeply about me. I try to laugh at something every day, even if it's at myself. I enter new worlds through TV, books, and YouTube. I travel and have new experiences.

I keep myself busy, but the good kind of busy. I keep the sparks fresh in my life by trying something new. For example, I love cooking new, healthy recipes. Sometimes, they are healthier versions of what I would buy at a restaurant. Because, why eat dishes that will make me sluggish when I can increase my energy instead to accomplish my goals?

There's a time where you wallow in pain, and then there's a time you have to get up. If you don't feed your mind with things that inspire you, improve your health, and align with your life goals, all that will be left is the pain. You will always be miserable. Don't give in. Focus on creating your own happiness. Here's a few things I do to keep my emotions in check when bad situations threaten to take me out.

1. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. People will do that enough for you. I have my days where I do, but the next day, I tell myself I have to get up and look for a more positive outcome the next day. So if you need to take a rest day to process, you can.

2. I look at the situation as a challenge. Do you remember when you were younger that you would leave your hand under cold or hot water to see how long you could take it? (I know I'm not the only one, haha). Well, for me it's like that. I take a few deep breaths and reflect on the situation. What happened and what is the way out? How did I respond to the situation? When did I lose it? When did I stand through it? How long did I last?

3. I future pace. There's a song that, "Trouble Won't Last Always." And it's true. It won't. What are you going to do once you're out of trouble? Be thankful for two minutes and slack off and wait until the next bad thing? Not me. I visualize what I'll be doing, how I'll be relaxing, and how I will treat myself. Having hope and faith are a couple of the main concepts I learn in church. Focus on what you will feel like once you make it out of the tunnel. Every little detail. What will the air smell like? What will you be doing? Where will you go to celebrate? What will you buy?

4. I take enough risks to stretch me beyond my comfort zone. Nothing good comes from staying comfortable. You cannot be afraid of your elasticity breaking. How else will you build up resistance? Resilience? This goes back to challenging yourself. When we take positive risks, they may not feel good at first, but they are available to see if you will take them, to test your faith, and see what it's really made of. I'm always looking for a return on my investment on risks I take, whether they are financial or physical.

What did you learn? Tell me in the comments. I'm rooting for you, okay?